Sunday, July 23, 2006

Sex

I have just turned down sex with a very nice woman telling her instead that I preferred to rest. I wonder if this is a sign of maturity or laziness? Perhaps it's a sign of some deep psychological damage caused by not turning down a beautiful woman previously. But I prefer to think of it as wisdom, not scars.



The evening started quietly. I spent some time in a park with my dog. Later we went home for a while and then after that we went to a bar. It is a very useful thing to me that my dog also likes my favourite bar.

My dog, Laika, enjoys jazz, as do I. So we were both of us happy, drinking mojitos and martinis, enjoying the airconditioning playing with the warm night air that was expanding through the open door. The music was sweet. The people seemed nice - adequately distant, but friendly all the same. I rolled and smoked a couple and then received a message from the woman in question inviting me to come to her house. I called her and said "Do you have wine?" and she said yes, so I explained that I'd be along in 15 minutes.

An hour or two later I arrived, still with my very, very happy little dog. We drank wine, smoked joints and chatted. Everything she said was bullshit about the supernatural so I raised objection and the discussion was fairly intense. Silence followed - we'd blown too hot and both of us sat there wondering if we'd offended the other. I decided rapidly that I didn't care. I had said what I thought and that was that.

After some more wine and another joint I decided it was time to leave. My dog had been making noises, she appeared keen for a walk, but then she upgraded her assault to vigerously shagging both of my legs. They were taking turns in some sort of bizarre threesome. Aside from the sharp claws she was using to gain purchase on my bare skin, it was just too energetic, not relaxing at all. Better to go home.

So I stood up and I told my friend that I was leaving. She invited me to stay with her. I declined and she told me that she'd really like me to stay tonight - especially tonight.

"Another night" I said.

But then she told me that she really wanted to make love with me - especially tonight of all nights. "Is it full moon?", I thought, "Is there something going on?". We discussed werewolves breifly, and the importance of love when you need it, but I didn't need it and I felt I had to make that clear. But she insisted that tonight was special somehow for her and she asked me again to come into the bed to make love.

And I know that this is exactly what every straight man wants to hear pretty much every night from a beautiful woman - but not every night. Not even when you remember all the nights you wish you had.

Some nights you just want to go home. Laika enjoyed the walk.

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6 comments:

>G.R.Confidential said...

thanks :)

chooseDoubt said...

No, thanks to you for visiting. Love that gravatar =)

Bacon Eating Atheist Jew said...

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Never do that again.
Always stay.

You'll regret it later on in life.

I promise you that you will.

chooseDoubt said...

Hey, I regretted it before I even wrote the post. But sometimes a mans gotta not do what a mans gotta do. It just didn't feel like the right time.

To be perfectly honest, the conversation I had shared with her had left me thinking of her as an usually articulate chimpanzee. I wasn't comfortable feeling lust with such an image in my mind. That and the fact that at some point she'd talk again. And even all the times she didn't talk I'd still be feeling guilty for wishing her to shut up even before she begins.

It would have been disrescpectful to treat her as somebody for whom I had more respect - pretending to feel close to her. And I would have felt raped by her and by my consciousness that I was chosing that with my lies.

All for some hot wet hole to stick parts of myself down. I am not so basic.

Anyway, regret is how you learn what it is you're prepared to do.

A valuable lesson every time.

chooseDoubt said...

UPDATE:

I bumped into the woman in question in the street this afternoon. She seemed uncomfortable.

We spoke briefly about how much of a hurry she was in, which consisted of her telling me several times that she was in a hurry and then walking faster than me and then stopping to say something else whilst I caught up. My part in the conversation consisted mostly of saying "ok then, bye - see you another time" repeatedly. Until finally she invited me to her house tomorrow or the day after.

"Ok then, bye - see you another time" I said. I really have no idea why these things seem so complicated.

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