Saturday, July 22, 2006

Elton Johns Love Child Found In Burger King

In entertainment news today, child worrying obese pop super faerie Elton John has been shocked to learn of the existence of a previously unknown love child. The child appears to have been leading a ferral existence in a Burger King for the last 25 years, which helps to explain his uncanny resemblance to his fathers looks.

Pop Ponce John gave a statement to press in which he claimed "Obviously I'm gay and I don't remember sleeping with any women so at first I was going to deny that I could have a son. But when I saw the photo I realised I was wrong and that this must be the result of a one night thing I had with a hermaphrodite."

"I was so off my tits with all the drugs that to be honest up until now I thought I had just imagined it."


Burger King were not immediately available for comment although off the record a member of staff told us "He's been living here for years. We call him Spunky. We often throw him some scraps, as do some of the customers and usually he spends most of the day forraging on the floor. Uusually he's no trouble but he did bite a customer once. Other than he's not caused any issues really except for occasionally shitting on the floor."

Unfortunately, due to the nature of his rearing, Spunky is unable to say anything coherent. When approached by reporters he was only able to grunt "Whoppaaaa" followed by a stream of dribble. Later he retreated to a corner and began to lick his own testicles.

When John was asked what he intended to do next he stated "Oh, just some more formulaic commercial shite that I can sell to disney."

For more information on this breaking show biz revelation, visit the Bacon Eating Atheist Jew here.

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2 comments:

Bacon Eating Atheist Jew said...

Elton John was actually married to a woman in the early 70's I believe.

chooseDoubt said...

Lol, on this blog I won't be letting any facts get in the way of a good story ;)

(I'd be able to work for the BBC if I shared their bias)