Thursday, July 27, 2006

The Racist Attack

I make no secret of the fact that I am no fan of Islam. I’m no fan of any religion for that matter, but since Islam is used to justify a great deal of current violence, the oppression of 800 million women worldwide, the opposition of free speech, the stoning of rape victims, the murdering of homosexuals and apostates and the indoctrination of children to become shahada (martyrs) who strap explosives to themselves and run off to play with Jewish children, Islam receives most of my attention right now when it comes to criticising religion. I’m also no fan of the extremist, violent groups that take refuge and inspiration from the Islamic ideology such as al-Qaeda, Hamas and Hizbollah.

Because of this I get involved in discussion from time to time on other peoples blogs and these discussion usually involve a Muslim or leftist apologists defending the stance of terrorists and blaming everything on the US and Israel and me responding with additional information to demonstrate the rather unrealistic spin my opponent has attempted to use to gloss over the facts. This is tiring, largely pointless and time consuming, but I do keep in mind that by adding additional information and speaking out against these misguided spin merchants that I perhaps help someone else out there to have some doubts and decide to research the topic in more detail. That would be a very good thing.

Now, there is one absolute constant whenever these debates take place. Without exception I will always be labelled as a racist very early on in the discussion as will anyone else that agrees with anything I have said or says something themselves which adds some depth to the conversation. This is a common strategy to attempt to discredit anyone supporting a different position and I’d like to debunk the racist myth, not least because I am well aware of how effective it can be in influencing the thinking of new readers on the topic.

First of all, when I am called a racist by these people they have absolutely no idea of my ethnicity. For all they know I share ethnicity with them, but do not share their opinion. The racist attack is therefore a shot in the dark right from the start.

Secondly, Islam is not a race. Islam is an ideology. One cannot be racist against an ideology.

Third, I have lived in several countries and I have integrated in all of them, regardless of the predominant skin colour. My best friend as a child did not share my skin colour or my nationality and 90% of my romances have been with women who do not share my original nationality or ethnic background. I have friends, including Muslims, from every part of the world, including Muslim friends in Kashmir, and not one of my friends has ever called me racist.

But these reasons are not my main reason to criticise the racist attack. There is a better reason which I would like to share which is less personal and so more generally useful.

Who’s the racist?

The Islamists and islamofascist apologists are racist. They are extremely racist against the Jews and it is worth mentioning that racism is a very common theme in the Arab and Muslim world. Please, don’t take my word for it - let the people speak for themselves.

Let’s start with allowing Hamas to tell you in their own words. The following is an article from the Hamas covenant, written in 1988, and which is still in force today:

Article 7: ... the Islamic Resistance Movement aspires to the realisation of God's promise, no matter how long that should take. The Prophet, God bless him and grant him salvation, has said: "The Day of Judgement will not come about until Muslims fight the Jews, when the Jew will hide behind stones and trees. The stones and trees will say O Muslims, O slaves of God, there is a Jew behind me, come and kill him. Only the Gharqad tree would not do that because it is one of the trees of the Jews."

This is not the only article in the Hamas covenant which is strongly anti-Jewish, but it is quite adequate to make the point. The entire Hamas covenant can be found here:

But racism is far more prevalent than just within Hamas and it is a socially recognised phenomena. Take a look at this popular blog by an Egyptian who goes by the name of Sand Monkey and read the comments on that people have left:

As you can see, racism would not be the unique domain of the anti-Islamofascists even if they, and myself, were racist at all.

It is worthy of note, although not strictly racism as two of these groups are ideologies and not a race, that the Qur’an differentiates between the value of a Muslim mans life, a Muslim woman’s life, a Christian males life, a Christian woman’s life, a Jewish mans life and a Jewish woman’s. The Muslim male life is the highest of value; the Jewish woman’s life is lowest.

Islamic apologists make great use of Quranic verses that appear to speak out against racism such as 2:62, 2:213, 2:256, 3:84, 30:22, and 49:13 and this seems to be a very valid point, but it isn’t. Before I demonstrate why let’s see those verses.

"Verily, those who believe (in the Quran) and those who follow the Jewish( scriptures) and the Christians and the Sabians, any who believe in God and the Last Day, and work righteousness shall have their reward with their Lord; on them shall be no fear, nor shall they grieve."

"And mankind is naught but a single nation."

"Let there be no compulsion in matters of Religion"

"Say: We believe in God, and in what has been revealed to us and what was revealed by Abraham, Isma'il(Ishmael); Isaac, Jacob, and the tribes, and in (the Books) given to Moses, Jesus, and the Prophets, from their Lord: We make no distinction between one and another among them and to God do we bow our will( in Islam)."

"And among His signs is the creation of the heavens and the earth, and the variations in your languages and your colours; verily in that are Signs for those who know."

"O Mankind! Most certainly, it is We( God almighty) who have created you all from a single (pair) of a male and a female, and it is We who have made you into nations and tribes, that ye may recognise each other, verily, the noblest of you in the sight of Allah is (he who is) the most righteous of you."

(This one is interesting as it is used to show Islam’s acceptance of others, yet the most righteous are by definition of the rest of the Qur’an the Muslims. Thus it is actually saying Muslims are better than everyone else.)

It all seems like good stuff, right? Well, more or less. However, this neglects that the principle of abrogation, which is a vital concept of Islam, means that revelations of Muhammad’s later life take precedence over those that came earlier. The Qur’an is not ordered chronologically and the verses stated above are chronologically earlier quotes. Later, and thus more important extracts include the following, and whilst most focus on differences in faith which cannot definitively be called racism, one can clearly see the attitude that prevails:

And well ye knew those amongst you who transgressed in the matter of the Sabbath: We said to them: “Be ye apes, despised and rejected.”
(This is claiming that Jews are apes.)

And slay them wherever ye catch them, and turn them out from where they have turned you out; for tumult and oppression are worse than slaughter; but fight them not at the Sacred Mosque, unless they (first) fight you there; but if they fight you, slay them. Such is the reward of those who suppress faith.

And fight them on until there is no more Tumult or oppression, and there prevail justice and faith in Allah; but if they cease, Let there be no hostility except to those who practise oppression.
(Note: “oppression” is refusing to submit to Islam or refusing Islamic domination)

Fighting is prescribed for you, and ye dislike it. But it is possible that ye dislike a thing which is good for you, and that ye love a thing which is bad for you. But Allah knoweth, and ye know not.

Let not the believers Take for friends or helpers Unbelievers rather than believers: if any do that, in nothing will there be help from Allah: except by way of precaution, that ye may Guard yourselves from them. But Allah cautions you (To remember) Himself; for the final goal is to Allah.

If anyone desires a religion other than Islam (submission to Allah), never will it be accepted of him; and in the Hereafter He will be in the ranks of those who have lost.

They but wish that ye should reject Faith, as they do, and thus be on the same footing (as they): But take not friends from their ranks until they flee in the way of Allah (From what is forbidden). But if they turn renegades, seize them and slay them wherever ye find them; and (in any case) take no friends or helpers from their ranks

(Both) the Jews and the Christians say: "We are sons of Allah, and his beloved." Say: "Why then doth He punish you for your sins? Nay, ye are but men,- of the men he hath created: He forgiveth whom He pleaseth, and He punisheth whom He pleaseth: and to Allah belongeth the dominion of the heavens and the earth, and all that is between: and unto Him is the final goal (of all)"

The punishment of those who wage war against Allah and His Messenger, and strive with might and main for mischief through the land is: execution, or crucifixion, or the cutting off of hands and feet from opposite sides, or exile from the land: that is their disgrace in this world, and a heavy punishment is theirs in the Hereafter;

Note: Waging war also means failure to submit to Islam.

O ye who believe! Take not the Jews and the Christians for your friends and protectors: They are but friends and protectors to each other. And he amongst you that turns to them (for friendship) is of them. Verily Allah guideth not a people unjust.

Say: “Shall I point out to you something much worse than this, (as judged) by the treatment it received from Allah? those who incurred the curse of Allah and His wrath, those of whom some He transformed into apes and swine, those who worshipped evil;- these are (many times) worse in rank, and far more astray from the even path!”

(This is claiming that Jews and Christians are apes and pigs)

When in their insolence they transgressed (all) prohibitions, We said to them: “Be ye apes, despised and rejected.”

(More Jewish apes.)

Remember thy Lord inspired the angels (with the message): "I am with you: give firmness to the Believers: I will instil terror into the hearts of the Unbelievers: smite ye above their necks and smite all their finger-tips off them."

This because they contended against Allah and His Messenger: If any contend against Allah and His Messenger, Allah is strict in punishment.

Thus (will it be said): "Taste ye then of the (punishment): for those who resist Allah, is the penalty of the Fire."

O ye who believe! when ye meet the Unbelievers in hostile array, never turn your backs to them.

If any do turn his back to them on such a day - unless it be in a stratagem of war, or to retreat to a troop (of his own)- he draws on himself the wrath of Allah, and his abode is Hell,- an evil refuge (indeed)!

And fight them on until there is no more tumult or oppression, and there prevail justice and faith in Allah altogether and everywhere; but if they cease, verily Allah doth see all that they do.

But when the forbidden months are past, then fight and slay the Pagans wherever ye find them, an seize them, beleaguer them, and lie in wait for them in every stratagem (of war); but if they repent, and establish regular prayers and practise regular charity, then open the way for them: for Allah is Oft-forgiving, Most Merciful.

Fight those who believe not in Allah nor the Last Day, nor hold that forbidden which hath been forbidden by Allah and His Messenger, nor acknowledge the religion of Truth, (even if they are) of the People of the Book, until they pay the Jizya with willing submission, and feel themselves subdued.

9:73O Prophet! strive hard against the unbelievers and the Hypocrites, and be firm against them. Their abode is Hell,- an evil refuge indeed.

O ye who believe! fight the unbelievers who gird you about, and let them find firmness in you: and know that Allah is with those who fear Him.

Therefore listen not to the Unbelievers, but strive against them with the utmost strenuousness, with the (Qur'an).

Therefore, when ye meet the Unbelievers (in fight), smite at their necks; At length, when ye have thoroughly subdued them, bind a bond firmly (on them): thereafter (is the time for) either generosity or ransom: Until the war lays down its burdens. Thus (are ye commanded): but if it had been Allah's Will, He could certainly have exacted retribution from them (Himself); but (He lets you fight) in order to test you, some with others. But those who are slain in the Way of Allah,- He will never let their deeds be lost.

Thou wilt not find any people who believe in Allah and the Last Day, loving those who resist Allah and His Messenger, even though they were their fathers or their sons, or their brothers, or their kindred. For such He has written Faith in their hearts, and strengthened them with a spirit from Himself. And He will admit them to Gardens beneath which Rivers flow, to dwell therein (for ever). Allah will be well pleased with them, and they with Him. They are the Party of Allah. Truly it is the Party of Allah that will achieve Felicity.

As we can see from these few verses there isn’t a lot of equality espoused in the Qur’an that hasn’t been abrogated by historically later and thus more significant verses. And this is just the Qur’an. The ahadith, which describe the life of Muhammad and his sayings are even worse. Racism against the Jews is an important and undeniable theme in Islam. In Saudi Arabia children’s school text books teach that Christians and Jews are apes and pigs and are to be hated. Intolerance of all other faiths and their oppression into dhimmitude, second class citizens, is a corner stone of Islamic belief where it is right to fight until total world domination is secured.

Islam divides the people of this planet into two houses. Dar al-Islam is the house of peace, submission to Islam. Dar al-Harb is the house of war, those that have not accepted Islam (non-Muslims and those that have not submitted to dhimmitude). The simple truth is that if you are not a Muslim or someone that has accepted near slave status within an Islamic state then you are open game and if you are Jewish then you are an ape or a pig.

For me, I know Islam to be an ideology and not a race. I know that there are very many Muslims who despite the Qur’an are not racist and even though we disagree very strongly on some matters I recognise that they are decent people and some of them I count as friends.

So who is the racist - someone prepared to question Islam or someone that refuses to question Islam and will defend it by supporting the murder of non-Muslims?

I leave the decision unto you.

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Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Chavez clones Thatcher, uses meat to make Terminator

In exciting South American news today, Venezuelan President Hugo "Eres un burro" Chavez has stepped up his efforts to gain power against the United States by pitting one of their all time greatest allies against them - none other than ex-British PM Margaret Thatcher!

Pictured right, President "What oil money?" Chavez is seen at the unveiling of the new T-10 Terminator, made by placing the skin and meaty bits from a clone of the ex-PM onto a hardened alloy combat chassis. In a speech given at the unveiling, "I Love Tehran" Chavez revealed "They used to call her the iron lady and she was their greatest friend. Now she is more than iron – now she is an enhanced poly-alloy lady and she is programmed to kill Bush. And she will never, ever stop. Ever!"

The T-10, seen with Kalashnikov assault rifle, is rumoured to be able withstand bullet fire, although it will take damage to its flesh and blood Maggie skin. Despite the fact that it is based on British ex-PM Margaret Thatcher, the cyborg currently speaks with a thick Austrian accent. Engineers are working to correct this fault.

"We will build thousands of these", claimed 'I can’t believe it’s not embezzlement' Chavez, "They will all be controlled by a central artificial intelligence we are developing called Chavnet and they will all be programmed to kill Bush."

International observers remained unconvinced that the Thatcherborgs will represent a serious threat to the life of the US President. "I doubt this will be a competent effort" said Washington security thinktank member, Susan Zuccini, "After all, look at how badly he has managed the oil."

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European heat wave causes crops to fail

marijuanaIn this BBC article it appears that the European heatwave has been playing havoc with crops and that lower harvets are sure to make prices rise. Particularly badly hit is wheat, but fruits are benefiting from the extra sun.

Fortunately for me, and as my photo shows, my own organically grown produce is working out just fine. Roll on harvest time!

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Tuesday, July 25, 2006

16 year old girl hanged in Iran

"Atefeh's crime? Offending public morality. She was found guilty of "acts incompatible with chastity" by having sex with an unmarried man, even though friends say Atefeh was in such a fragile mental state that she wasn't in a position to say no."

This is peace and tolerance? No, this is the brutality that is sharia law. This is what 40% of UK Muslims want in the UK.

Call me racist, retarded and small minded all you like. Even though I consider myself to have none of those traits I will wear those labels with pride rather than be one of the "enlightened" championing acts like this.

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I'm a racist, a retard and a small minded biggot

Full story here:

LOL =)

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Monday, July 24, 2006

Oh dear!

I'm mildly drunk and stoned again after having had a great catch-up conversation with a good friend I haven't spoken to for some time. He's an ethnic minority, and I'm sure he'll appreciate me telling you that fact. We have a tradition of talking incredible bullshit and trading offensive insults when we speak. It's a tradition I believe both of us adore.

I could go on about the conversation and the marvellous inventions we discovered during our exchange, but I won't. It is enough to say that the mood that filled me at the sunset of our conversation was pleasant. Social, possibly.

It has consequences.

So instead of the details of the conversation, I would like to seek support for a terrible condition that I am sure much of the blogging community must share. You smoke a joint. You have a drink, and suddenly you feel like writing - especially commenting on other peoples blogs.

Now is the time!

The perfect words are literally escaping from your mind. But your spelling is so bad, and your rush to click the post button so overwhelming that before you know it the excellent little epiphany that was flowing through your brain has been recorded for all posterity as 15 lines of unintelligable babble that deep blue could not decode. Spellings from venus. Entire concepts sliced and diced and randomly thrown back together like the art work of a hybrid between Helen Keller and Dr. Frankenstein. The sheer horror of rereading what you've written. The invasion of confusion caused by what you read that successfully erradicates any trace of what it was that you originally tried to say.

I cannot be the only one?

(ps. I felt intense paranoia throughout writing this post with particular regard to spelling. But that publish button has been looking like it needs clicking for some time)

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Thailand considering Islamic stock index

This article left me thinking. It left me thinking because it discusses a seperate index carrying only stocks that are compatible with Islamic teachings. It states:

"The groups will neither involve with interest, nor go against the Islamic teachings, which bars businesses in the real sector, tourism, and hospital."

Now, correct me if I'm wrong but tourism is a pretty big business in pretty much every majoritively Muslim nation, with the exceptions of Iraq, Afghanistan and Lebannon since about a week ago. So what I'm wondering is what's the issue with tourism that it's fine to accept money from millions of tourists but not okay to invest in tourism related stocks?

While we're at it, the real estate sector is also pretty massive and there seems no lack of wealthy muslim land owners making plenty from their investments - so what's the deal?

Perhaps another case of hyporcisy at work in the wonderful world of Islamic sensibilities. I notice it doesn't say anything about not investing in pig farms or breweries.

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Europe too soft on Muslims says Iranian

"Five years ago, my Afghan sister-in-law emigrated to the United States, where she now works, pays taxes and takes part in public life. If she had turned up in Europe, she would still be undergoing treatment from social workers for her trauma - and she still wouldn't have got a job or won acceptance as a citizen." says Afshin Ellian, a native Iranian now teaching law in the Dutch town of Leiden.

The rest of this article might be worth a read, me thinks.

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Science in Iran

We're all familiar with teh ID debate that's been wasting everyones time in the US recently (45% of the US population believe the Earth is only 6000 years old - get a grip!) and we're well aware that the battle has been quite heated. But did you ever give a thought to how similar issues are handled in Islamic countries?

Well, not surprisingly, where the clerics hold all the cards scientific discovery can be a dangerous thing. Check out this article from

It's not all bad news, despite the stories of arrests and imprisonment. It appears that the need for modern science has been enough to sway even the clerics when it comes to stem cell research and genetics and the scientists may well be the right people to encourage further change.

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Where is the Muslim Outrage?

Some people will feel an immediate reaction to this. It doesn't sit well with the PC, multiculturalist meme we have all been told to believe in. Be that as it may, resevre your judgement and just listen to the points being made. Then ask yourself, regardless of the taste this leaves in your mouth, is he wrong?

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Sunday, July 23, 2006

Flammable flags health and safety crisis

The WHO has released a report today damning flag makers for their lack of health and safety standards, especially citing flammability as a key concern. According to WHO spokeswoman, Angela Spaceinvader, "We are increasingly concerned that flag makers don't take health and safety guidelines into account when manufacturing their products. Literally every time we switch on the television we see flags spontaneously combusting in warmer parts of the world. We're concerned that someone might get hurt."

The 483 page report especially highlighted the frequency with which American, Israeli and Danish flags have been seen bursting into flames. "We really feel they should be made from a flame retardant fabric" added Ms. Spaceinvader, "It's just a matter of time before someone gets hurt. It's becoming a very serious concern."

WHO are urging parents to keep their children away from flags and to avoid any patriotic or nationalistic paraphernalia at all until safety experts have had time to check compliancy for health and safety standards. Shares of flag manufacturer, Pyropatriotics tumbled 20% upon release of the report, which could damage sales of its new line of Israeli flags that burn with flames of multiple colours and are weaved with a lavender incense thread.

UN Secretary General Kofi Annan said "I think it is a wonderful idea that may inadvertently lead to world peace. America, Denmark and Israel have been consistently inciting violence in the Middle East by allowing flammable flags to endanger civilians who have bought these flags in support of the nations they represent. I personally am seeking a UN resolution against Israel for failing to ensure that Palestinians and other regional innocents have access to safer Israeli flags."

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I have just turned down sex with a very nice woman telling her instead that I preferred to rest. I wonder if this is a sign of maturity or laziness? Perhaps it's a sign of some deep psychological damage caused by not turning down a beautiful woman previously. But I prefer to think of it as wisdom, not scars.

The evening started quietly. I spent some time in a park with my dog. Later we went home for a while and then after that we went to a bar. It is a very useful thing to me that my dog also likes my favourite bar.

My dog, Laika, enjoys jazz, as do I. So we were both of us happy, drinking mojitos and martinis, enjoying the airconditioning playing with the warm night air that was expanding through the open door. The music was sweet. The people seemed nice - adequately distant, but friendly all the same. I rolled and smoked a couple and then received a message from the woman in question inviting me to come to her house. I called her and said "Do you have wine?" and she said yes, so I explained that I'd be along in 15 minutes.

An hour or two later I arrived, still with my very, very happy little dog. We drank wine, smoked joints and chatted. Everything she said was bullshit about the supernatural so I raised objection and the discussion was fairly intense. Silence followed - we'd blown too hot and both of us sat there wondering if we'd offended the other. I decided rapidly that I didn't care. I had said what I thought and that was that.

After some more wine and another joint I decided it was time to leave. My dog had been making noises, she appeared keen for a walk, but then she upgraded her assault to vigerously shagging both of my legs. They were taking turns in some sort of bizarre threesome. Aside from the sharp claws she was using to gain purchase on my bare skin, it was just too energetic, not relaxing at all. Better to go home.

So I stood up and I told my friend that I was leaving. She invited me to stay with her. I declined and she told me that she'd really like me to stay tonight - especially tonight.

"Another night" I said.

But then she told me that she really wanted to make love with me - especially tonight of all nights. "Is it full moon?", I thought, "Is there something going on?". We discussed werewolves breifly, and the importance of love when you need it, but I didn't need it and I felt I had to make that clear. But she insisted that tonight was special somehow for her and she asked me again to come into the bed to make love.

And I know that this is exactly what every straight man wants to hear pretty much every night from a beautiful woman - but not every night. Not even when you remember all the nights you wish you had.

Some nights you just want to go home. Laika enjoyed the walk.

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Saturday, July 22, 2006

A note on terrorism

Ok, so instead of false news, this one is serious.

If you take a look to your left you'll notice a little box saying the number of deadly attacks carried out by Islamic terrorists since 9/11. It's one thing to see the number and think "Woooah, it's high" but have you ever noticed how much it changes day by day?

For example, yesterday it read 5417. At the time of writing it reads 5423, so since I last looked there have been 6 separate and fatal attacks by Islamic terrorists. This probably seems like small fry at the moment in comparission with what's going on in Lebannon, but I'd like to make clear that this is happening every single day. I'd like to draw your attention to the innocent lives being lost every day to an ideology that has touched all of our lives. It is a touch of death.

Please take a few minutes out of your life to see what's going on. Just click on the counter - it's worth 5 minutes of your life. Be sure to scroll down the page and take a look at the list of attacks for the last 5 months.

You can also check it here:

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Elton Johns Love Child Found In Burger King

In entertainment news today, child worrying obese pop super faerie Elton John has been shocked to learn of the existence of a previously unknown love child. The child appears to have been leading a ferral existence in a Burger King for the last 25 years, which helps to explain his uncanny resemblance to his fathers looks.

Pop Ponce John gave a statement to press in which he claimed "Obviously I'm gay and I don't remember sleeping with any women so at first I was going to deny that I could have a son. But when I saw the photo I realised I was wrong and that this must be the result of a one night thing I had with a hermaphrodite."

"I was so off my tits with all the drugs that to be honest up until now I thought I had just imagined it."

Burger King were not immediately available for comment although off the record a member of staff told us "He's been living here for years. We call him Spunky. We often throw him some scraps, as do some of the customers and usually he spends most of the day forraging on the floor. Uusually he's no trouble but he did bite a customer once. Other than he's not caused any issues really except for occasionally shitting on the floor."

Unfortunately, due to the nature of his rearing, Spunky is unable to say anything coherent. When approached by reporters he was only able to grunt "Whoppaaaa" followed by a stream of dribble. Later he retreated to a corner and began to lick his own testicles.

When John was asked what he intended to do next he stated "Oh, just some more formulaic commercial shite that I can sell to disney."

For more information on this breaking show biz revelation, visit the Bacon Eating Atheist Jew here.

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Friday, July 21, 2006

Islamofascist Ducks make inroads into Wisconsin Pond

Trouble has broken out today in what locals thought was a quiet Wisconsin pond when radicals within the local immigrant community of Muslim ducks struck out against traditional residents. Local resident Judith AppleSwallower told reporters "Well, for me and the kids it was just another quiet day. After school we came to the pond to feed the ducks, as we often do and all seemed quiet. Then suddenly, as we were feeding some of them we noticed an egg drift across the water with what appeared to be explosives strapped around its shell. Before we knew what was happening there was an almigthy bang and, oh, it was just horrible carnage. Feathers everywhere!".

Warning: Graphic Image

Five local ducks were killed in this, the first attack of its kind in Wisconsin.

Local residents had been aware of problems brewing since some ducks from the Middle East had stopped there several years ago during their migration and had decided not to move on. "There's always been some tension" said Wisconsin wildlife warden Jimmy Scrotum, "but we never expected this. We knew that integration had been an issue but none of us believed it would come to this."

The pond, previously a tranquil beauty spot enoyed by families, is now the scence of a police investigation. Forensic experts have been combing the area for evidence of exactly who was behind the attacks. The Wisconsin Duck Appreciation Society will be holding a five minute silence in rememberance of those lost at midday tomorrow.


In a fax to arabic news station al-Jazera, the previously unknown group Batt al-Islamah has claimed responsibility for the attack. Police are said to be following leads.

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Somalia: Islamist militia hold gay pride event

Aside from their vicious conquest of much of Somalia and their threat of Holy War against Ethiopia, the Islamist militia in Somalia shocked the world even further today by holding what is believed to be the first gay pride event in Islamic history. Literally thousands turned out for the event, some sporting an array of surprisingly modern sex toys such as the i-Punt Anal Intruder 4000 with integrated MP3 player (pictured right).

Participant Umbogo Muhammad DongaWanga told journalists "Everybody has idea we just here to be trouble, but really we people too and we so happy like all when we have big cock". Many could be seen sporting costumes ranging from Wizard of Oz get-ups to Kylie Minogue impersonators as thousands danced in the street.

"In west say make love not war" said militia seargent Gypsum al-Bombastic, "but here we make war and we make love. We gonna fuck everybody" he finished with a smile.

The Palestinian government, Hamas, are so far the only Islamic group to strongly condem Somalias gay pride movement, which uses the cresent and chocolate starfish insignia. Hamas leader Mahmoud al-Zahar (photo right) told journalists "Homosexuals are very bad - if it continues we may suffer shortages of children to use as bombs against the kuffar. Qur'an and ahadith say very strong, no faggots. Sex with children ok, like Prophet Muhammad(pbuh), but sex with another man is immoral. Death to Israel! Death to all Jews!".

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Amusingly shaped vegetable contest

This years Amusingly Shaped Vegetable Contest has been won for the first time by a fungal entry, featuring an entire field, one of many so we are told, of mushrooms shaped a bit like skulls. The winner (photo right) is the first to win the category with a fungus as opposed to a vegetable and judges were split for some time on whether to allow the entry at all. Judges finally decided in favour of the mushroom entry despite serious competition from a potato shaped rather a lot like a womb and attached ovaries.

Oh no! My mistake. This is actually a field of skulls of some of the 1.7 million victims who were brutally murdered by the Khmer Rouge and one legged General Ta Mok (aka the Butcher), who died today.

To celebrate, and in tribute of, his passing we'll be organising coach tours to shit on this evil pegleg pig fuckers grave.

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Everybody should read this

Just read it, and the comments.

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Thursday, July 20, 2006

Miss Iran 2006 hopes to focus attention on Islamic rights

Abdita ShikaHuffaa al-Hufaa hufaa Allah Sha ha Dak WaaahaarfurKhaaa is the new Miss Iran 2006, following her crowning at the finals in Tehran today. She has vowed to use her new position to focus attention on Islamic rights. Miss WaaahaarfurKhaaa, seen in the photo (right) of the swimsuit competition, is 21 years old and was eduacted as a housewife.

"Too many children do not get a chance to be shahada (martyrs). I hope that I can use my beauty to bring attention to this and other issues so that more explosives will be made available for the under 5 year olds who are now without opportunity. Allah Ak hak hak ak habar hufar! Death to Israel!"

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Horny giant space jellyfish follows Shuttle back to Earth

In the first ever public confirmation of extraterrestrial life, NASA has revealed that a giant space jellyfish has followed the Discovery mission back to Earth. If the behaviour of giant space jellyfish is anything like that of Earth jellyfish, the displays of colour would appear to be indicative of a sexual motivation by the visitng beast.

NASA exobiology expert Dr. T. Bozing released a report to press late on Thursday afternoon in which he revealed "Quite frankly, and you have to accept a certain uncertainty here, but we believe the jellyfish is horny. Perhaps the burst of thrusters to control reentry mimics this creatures natural mates colour display and the poor thing became confused. We're just thrilled to have it here."

Since returning to Earth, Shuttle engineers have been keen to inspect the Discovery to compare inflight tile inspection reports with more detailed investigation possible on the ground. Efforts have been hampered by the Jellyfish's continued refusal to release it's love embrace upon the craft.

Mark Uberstriessand, Shuttle engineer said "We're keen to get on with our post mission inspections but we understand that this amazing creature isa scientific first and takes priority right now. Until it releases Discovery, quite frankly, we're fucked".

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President Bush pelted with babies

Following his use of the presidential veto to kill the Stem Cell Reseach Enhancement Act, President Bush was confronted by angry pro-stem cell protesters at a rally in Washington D.C. today. Foresaking the traditional barrage of tossed eggs and tomatoes, some protesters began hurling babies at the President with cries of "You can't catch them all!".

Witness, Dilbert P. Scheffenshaft told us "It was one of the most unusual things I've ever seen. The president emerged smiling and ignored the calls from the crowd and suddenly there was a baby flying through the air. I think the crowd just got carried away, because after the first one there were babies flying around everywhere."

Aside from a minor incident of nappy leakage, the president was unharmed and was quickly rushed to a baby proof secure room by security aides. Protesters continued to hurl babies until police were able to bring the situation under control.

Mrs. R. Badger was visiting Washington from Missouri and had attended the raly hoping to see the President. "I voted for him twice", she said "And he's a good catch".

A Whitehouse spokesperson confirmed the incident but commented only that "the President was well aware that there was some controversy over the veto".

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Kofi Annan is an idiot - Official

UN Secretary General, Kofi Annan, has demanded a ceasefire in the current Israel/Hizbollah conflict, apparently unaware that Hizbollah didn't care too much about previous demands for peace which would have prevented them from starting this particular conflict when they attacked Israel.

Well done Kofi!

I have a question. Has Kofi Annan ever said anything useful ever? Another question, how much is this clown paid to add his voice into world affairs for the common good of absolutely no body?

Don't let up Israel! If you go for peace before you meet your objective you'll just be doingthis all again all to soon. Smash Hizbollah then offer aid and support to rebuild Lebanon and maintian it's security. Make it clear to Syria to stay out of things or else. Without Hizbollah, Lebanon will become a peaceful neighbour with your support and send a message to those tempted to support jihadis that prosperity and peace come once these fanatical elements are removed.

Oh, and ignore Kofi. He's a fool.

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Blame Superman returns

Can't let superman return without an old superman joke. Here's my favourite, but it's an oldy.

Why didn't superman save Princess Diana?
Because he's a quadriplegic.

Well, it was funny when he was still alive.

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the word "random" will be a regular title.

My most powerful achievement in life was developing a staggeringly negative self image. I realised I’d reached perfection when I went out one night amongst the cabbage people of an awful little village wearing a kurtah I’d brought back from India, when I saw myself through their eyes as a fat little bald man alcoholically passing time amongst them wearing a dress.

Was I really that scary?

That’s how I saw myself; or rather that’s how I saw them seeing me. No confidence. No charisma. No posture. The accumulated effects of spending time with people that you know are challenged in some way the instant you say hello.

Whenever I was with people for any length of time, even seconds, I would start to be repeatedly struck by lighting - a dread - fast and sharp and random yet disturbingly uniform and creepy as though made entirely of tiny silver white electric spiders, all scrambling for who knows where. There were too many symmetries yet no discernable order. I would feel the discomfort and sensation of alarm scurrying up my spine, leaving me shivering as I was enlightened to ever greater depth as to inadequacies of my soul for a world full of people who had almost nothing in common with me or even with themselves. Total strangers.

Clearly I didn’t belong. I sensed that they sensed it too; instinctive animal fear all around. An unavoidable natural distrust between our two species, like small dogs passing raised-heckle cats in a street with nowhere for either to hide. Great steps were taken by all simply to avoid. But we each of us sensed when the other was there.

I’d probably been happy a million times and down several more. But I had never before so thoroughly endeavoured to undermine myself as I managed at that time. There had been months of awful, fascinating, careful preparation. I'd made an effort and some might think I should have been proud. But I wasn't.

I had learned nothing after all. Perfect.

And the most intriguing thing about it was that it was beautiful. Seeing nothing of significance or intrinsic value in oneself is scary on the approach but once you land it’s about the most beautiful thing anyone can ever see.

It means you can do what you want with your life. It means there’s no reason ever to worry except to experience worrying itself.

It means that you are free.

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When I started this blog I had a vague and pleasant idea of talking in a civil manner with whoever decided to come along. I imagined that I’d be having conversations in which I’d gently nudge a few people to do some much needed questioning. I envisaged building up a collection of articles that constructed a water tight case against faith. But I realised that this blog format doesn’t allow me to develop a coherent collection that would fulfil my initial objective.

I decided to move. I decided to sort out a site instead of a blog that would permit the construction of what I had in mind. I’m working on that. But in the meantime I’ve been reading lots and lots of other blogs and commenting on some. And the real world has been gong on to.

And I am very disturbed by what I have seen.

So why not just use this blog to vent. No rules of etiquette, no concern of offence. No rules, no style, no consistency. Just to say what I want to say at the time.

The serious site will be along soon. In the meantime, enjoy the ride =)

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